The late Dr. Stephen Covey tells us that most people have been deeply scripted in the Win/Lose mentality since birth. He said “First and most important of the powerful forces at work is the family. When one child is compared with another – when patience, understanding or love is given or withdrawn on the basis of such comparisons – people are into Win/Lose thinking.”
This means that if we win, someone else has to lose and we’d much prefer if someone else does not so our own lives suffer. Playing life to win doesn’t mean stepping over others – it simply means not defeating yourself.
Back to the family dynamic, Dr. Covey continued “Whenever love is given on a conditional basis, when someone has to earn love, what’s being communicated to them is that they are not intrinsically valuable or lovable. Value does not lie inside them, it lies outside. It’s in comparison with somebody else or against some expectation. And what happens to a young mind and heart, highly vulnerable, highly dependent upon the support and emotional affirmation o the parents, in the face of conditional love?
“If I’m better than my brother, my parents will love me more.”
“My Parents don’t love me as much as they love my sister. I must not be valuable.”
The other paradigm is Lose/Win.
According to Dr. Covey this is worse than Win/Lose. “People who think Lose?win are usually quick to please or appease. They see strength from popularity or acceptance. They have little courage to express their own feelings and convictions and are easily intimidate by the ego strength of others.”
When you’re playing life to win you understand that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all and believing that you deserve what you’ve worked so hard for.
In his book “Playing Life to Win” Dr. Hartman provides us with a strategy for living a successful life. Using the analogy of baseball, he outlines the four steps – or bases – you must achieve to “win” in life.
- First Base: Get Yourself. Leverage self-awareness to create personal change, development, and growth.
- Second Base: Get Truth. Learn to confront the brutal truths about your life in order to make better choices.
- Third Base: Get Over Yourself. Discover how to move from selfish to selfless.
- Home Plate: Get Others. Understand the ultimate key to winning in life: making it about others.
Life is way to short to wander around with no goal in mind.
Stop whining and constantly telling yourself what you CAN’T do!
Convert the negative energy into the energy that urges you…that almost shouts “KEEP GOING!!!”
It’s OK to win at your own life. Don’t feel guilty for wanting to win!