On Setting Boundaries and Having Compassion…

mocha momentsThe minute we set a boundary – guilt sets in. Was I being too harsh? I’m sure I could have fit that in – I didn’t have to say “no”. Where will he/she get the help they need now that I’ve said “no.” It’s really not going to take me that long…

fenceSetting boundaries is seen as a selfish act. I think it also feels awkward because we’re not in the habit of putting ourselves first.

When we OVER-GIVE we open ourselves up to others DRAINING our ENERGY and so we have little left for our own lives. And what if they don’t reciprocate? Doesn’t it hurt when people don’t do the same for us when we’re in need? When without batting an eye we’re told “nope!” and they keep walking not even looking back at us…

You need to take time for you. You need to know what you’re willing and not willing to do BEFORE being asked. You need to go with your gut and say no to a request that doesn’t FEEL right for you. Only then can you have compassion for yourself. Only then can you have compassion for others. When we have compassion for ourselves we can see other people for who they are without having OUR issues mirrored back to us.

WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US WHEN WE SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES.

This applies in our lives AND in our businesses. Sometimes we seem to think that it’s not OK to turn down projects and turn some clients away.

Did you know that it’s perfectly acceptable to say “I’m just not that into you” to a client? Your business isn’t meant to serve everyone, so establishing what your ideal client looks like on paper–and then pruning those who don’t fit the bill–is critical to your success, both professionally and personally – Vanessa Chase in her summary of Book Yourself Solid by Michael Port 

“There’s nothing wrong with your dud clients, of course. They’re just not right for you.”– Book Yourself Solid, page 8

Your business – meaning the type of projects you take on, and the customers you choose to do business with need to be in full alignment with WHO YOU ARE which includes but definitely not limited to:

  • Your core strengths and values
  • Personality type and preferences
  • Talents and skills
  • Your philosophy

Take Cigdem Kobu for instance. She helps quiet-loving women solopreneurs build a unique online business with more ease and less stress so that they do their greatest work and earn a lot more doing what fulfills their hearts. She says:

Because I am 100% clear about my personality preferences, inclinations and strengths, I know exactly what energizes me and what drains me; what I should be doing and what I shouldn’t be doing every day. Consequently, I know for sure that ongoing one-on-one coaching work should never ever be my primary business activity or source of income. And that even if I offer sessions, they should be more consulting than coaching, be one-time, have a premium price, and be based on prior deep work, research and contemplating I do on my own.

Setting boundaries is being compassionate. It’s about knowing WHO WE ARE and loving that person enough to set those boundaries necessary for our health and happiness.

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Image from http://www.patheos.com/blogs/goodletters/2012/08/shaping-the-heart/
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