Do you feel that you need to change a few things first BEFORE you can accept yourself, AS IS, today?
The thought makes me squirm. So much to IMPROVE. So much I wish I didn’t have to deal with.
We are our own worst critics aren’t we?
That’s why it’s great to keep track in our journal, not just those areas in our lives that we want to IMPROVE, but also to note the times when we did well; we mastered; we conquered. Small improvements count and we need to take note or else this journey can seem arduously long and grueling. Is that any way to live?
Started reading David Niven’s autobiography *The Moon’s a Balloon*. Nearing the end of the introduction he shares
I apologize for the ensuing name dropping. It was hard to avoid it. People in my profession, who, like myself, have the good fortune to parlay a minimal talent into a long career, find all sorts of doors opened that would otherwise have remained closed. Once behind those doors it makes little sense to write about the butler if Chairman Mao is sitting down to dinner.
We shy away from tooting out own horn, playing down instead of pumping up our triumphs. And sure, there are times when we metaphorically talk about “butlers” when we should be addressing what is REALLY going on in our lives.
My friend Kavita died yesterday. For Christmas she had sent me a book called *The Hidden Lamp*. On the inside she inscribed:
I opened the book last night and contemplated her words. She thanked me for being me. Others accept me for who I am. I have a much harder time.
Victoria Moran tells us
If you don’t accept yourself, you won’t live fully, and if you don’t live fully, you’ll need to get full some other way.
Drugs. Alcohol. Food. Overwork. Excess….
In thinking about Kavita I remembered a piece I wrote called *What is Your Amazing Unfathomable Gift* and I included an experience that she shared with me
“This morning, I awoke feeling the best I have felt in years. Very grounded and comfortable. Like my body has returned to its familiarity but with more wisdom, understanding. For sure this morning I can tell you I have truly grown from the experience of the past three years and I felt released. Released like someone said to my body — ok she has evolved, loosen your hold and heal now, you have much to do. It’s a very strange, surreal, elated feeling. I guess I am writing this, as part of getting used to the newness. Everything is the same yet tremendously different, my understanding is different. I don’t know what I dreamt or where my soul travelled to last night but I awoke renewed. Thank you to the divine light of the universe, it is now my humble duty to appreciate myself and let things unfold.”
Kavita got it! It is also our humble collective duties to appreciate and accept ourselves and let things unfold.
I didn’t intend for this post to go in this direction but I smile because perhaps Kavita is guiding with her light letting me know that she’s OK and we all will be OK if we can accept ourselves today and every day.