If what you are currently doing isn’t working for you, you have other choices. Responsibility is the recognition of choice, and by your choices you reveal your commitments – Marlene Chism
Today’s post was inspired by my friend and colleague Marlene Chism, author of ‘Stop Workplace Drama’. I posted the quote above as a Facebook status and then contemplated the last part…by your choices you reveal your commitments…a light exploded in my head.
How many times do we go on what people say to us and then get disappointed when they act differently?
- “I’m going to stop gambling, smoking, drinking, hitting…”
- “I’m going to go to AA meetings…”
- “I know I have to change; look at my life! If I don’t do something now soon I’ll be without a job, penniless, homeless”
How many times do we say we’re going to change something in our lives then act contrary to what we declared?
- “I’m going to exercise, eat right, stop binging on food.”
- “I’m going to take better care of myself, get regular check-ups at the docs: have an annual pap smear/prostate test, mammogram.”
- “I’m putting my foot down. I will not allow my self to be treated this way…disrespected.”
Our choices reveal what we are committed to.
The question we then need to ask ourselves is why? What’s the payoff? There is always a payoff. My sister use to tell me – you must be getting something out of it (regardless of what “it” is) to allow “it” to perpetuate in your life.
On an intellectual level we understand that actions speak louder than words. We see this clearly in others when they don’t keep their word or act contrary to what they’ve said.
When it comes to our own choices we tend to not see it quite as clearly.
And we tend to consider only those choices that can be categorized as good choices and bad choices.
Most times when we make huge statements about “what we’re going to do…” or “how we’re going to change” it’s based on some expectation of us by someone else.
- “No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make him happy”
- “I wanted to do it because she wanted me to, not because I wanted to”
Perhaps clues to how we might more comfortably make changes based on what we were naturally motivated to do. Not choosing from what we think is RIGHT but choosing “the what and the how” of what is best FOR us.
Start being a scientist in your life. Observe and study yourself.
This post is not about providing answers. I cannot provide the answers that lie inside of you. It’s about provoking thought, as much in myself as in you. We won’t find the answers in a text book. We need to look within. Seek and ye shall find – ask, and the door shall be opened unto thee.
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