Do you ever feel insecure?
What about unworthy?
And rejected? Are you easily hurt if your’e not included in a conversation…left out of a project…didn’t get an invite to the party?
Most of us think, ‘I’m pretty worthy of love and belonging — but I’d be super worthy of love and belonging if I could lose 15 pounds, or if I made partner. Or my wife doesn’t leave. Or I stay sober’ –- or whatever our thing is. – shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown
Today I was feeling down and didn’t know why. 🙂 Didn’t know why that is until I reminded myself that my thoughts always influence my behaviour. What was I thinking?
I was feeling challenged by a new e-book I’m creating. I was working on the content and hit a wall. Then I started a conversation in my head that suggested that I didn’t really know my stuff and that I wasn’t good enough. I began thinking that I probably needed to do more research and get more information. That led to telling myself that I need more clarity and time because I wasn’t sure now what to include. Was the sequence of the chapters making sense? Why was it taking me so long? I don’t know if I could do this.
No wonder I started to feel down! What a pep talk 🙂
From her new book Rising Strong, Dr. Brené Brown shares…
The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness.
Author Sally Hogshead shares a great story about her daughter who stood for an hour on a San Francisco street corner, as hundreds of people rushed past after work. She held up a sign to each person who passed, no matter how they dressed or walked or looked.
The sign simply said:
You are awesome. Just the way you are.
One of the tricks to changing how you feel is to do something – change your physiology. I stood up, tidied up the books and papers scattered around me. Next I did the dishes and put food away. I then took a brisk 20 minute walk. I started to feel much better…better enough to begin writing this post!
Bestselling author and entrepreneur Tony Robbins suggests we learn to understand the following 3 forces and use them to our advantage.
#1: Physiology
Emotion is created by motion. Whatever you’re feeling right now is directly related to how you’re using your body. If you slump your shoulders and lean your head forward, you’ll move toward a state of depression. However, the next time you find yourself in a negative state, stand up, throw your shoulders back and take a few deep breaths. You’ll find that you’re able to put yourself in a resourceful state. From this state, you can make stronger decisions and enjoy a sense of certainty that will keep you calm in the face of uncertainty.
#2: Language
Language comes in many forms, one of which includes the questions you ask yourself, either aloud or inside your head. If you ask, “Why does this always have to happen to me?” you’ll create a much different set of emotions than if you asked, “How can I benefit from this?” or “Where’s the gift in this?” or “What’s humorous about this?”
The language patterns you run play a significant role in the meaning you give a situation—and the emotion that situation creates in you. When you feel negative emotions taking over, look at the language surrounding your situation. How can you shift it to create a more empowering state?
#3: Focus
Where focus goes, energy flows. And where energy flows, whatever you’re focusing on grows. In other words, your life is controlled by what you focus on. That’s why you need to focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear. When you next find yourself in a state of uncertainty, resist your fear. Shift your focus toward where you want to go and your actions will take you in that direction.
My message to you today is simply this:
You are awesome and there is absolutely nothing that you need to change about you.
Sally: Too often, we’re given a very different type of message. Insecurities are a strong motivator. We’re told why we need to fix ourselves:
“You will be awesome… after you buy this product.” “You will be awesome… after you whiten your teeth.” “You will be awesome… if you take my investment advice.”
You don’t need to fix a thing! The causes and cures for how you’re feeling are found INSIDE your mind.
And please remember this
Just because we didn’t measure up to some standard of achievement doesn’t mean that we don’t possess gifts and talents that only we can bring to the world. – Dr Brené Brown
Image from http://middleclassmamas.com/you-are-awesome/
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