Short answer: get out of your comfort zone! We will do almost ANYTHING to stay in our comfort zones. If you want to accomplish anything, you need to get out of your comfort zone- NOW!
We understand in theory, that before we can get to “there”, we need to overcome our fears in the present. Why do we almost always remain stuck – in the unfulfilling job, in the relationship that no longer works, in being part of a group that is no longer in alignment with our values?
We are fearful.
International bestselling author, Mel Robbins wrote an article in 2016 for Success Magazine – her guide to “screwing up”. She shares: “We hear about failure all the time: Actors who were rejected at hundreds of auditions (until they weren’t), entrepreneurs whose first dozen ideas were garbage (though their next one was brilliant), and inventors with strings of useless inventions (and some that changed the world).
We understand on some level that failure is good for us, but rejection is hard to stomach. In the same article, Mel wrote about Guy Winch’s book Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts, where he explains: Rejections are painful, and for a good reason—during our prehistoric past, we were only as strong as our social groups. “Being ostracized would have been akin to receiving a death sentence,” Winch writes. To save us from dying alone in the wilderness, our brains evolved a clever trick—a pain-trigger—to teach us to do everything possible to avoid rejection. We’re here today because our ancestors avoided rejection at all costs.
Fast-forward a few thousand years. You’re still reinforcing those anti-rejection cues, and in fact, you’ve been doing it for as long as you’ve been alive.
“You remain snugly in your comfort zone” Mel explains, “because your feelings tell you to, and it’s your feelings that you have to overcome if you want to take that risk, launch that idea or send that proposal. You won’t do what feels hard. If you’re planning to put yourself out there only when you feel like it, you’ll be waiting forever. In fact, there’s probably something right now that you’re avoiding. And that might be the thing you have to push yourself to do—whether you feel like it or not.”
Whether you FEEL like it or not!
David Kekich, recognized authority on longevity science says that we must strive to increase order and discipline in our lives. Discipline he explains usually means doing the OPPOSITE of what we feel like doing.
We usually interpret our “not feeling to do something” as an activity that is unpleasant and perhaps it is something that we don’t like or feel to do, but think about the pain of your present situation. Are you happy earning what you’re earning? Are you happy in your relationships? Are you happy with the track you’re presently on?
Here’s the “EASY” road to discipline:
Adopt Mel’s 5 second rule – countdown – 5-4-3-2-1 and GO! Whenever we have a decision to make, we subconsciously tally our options and then ask which ones we most feel like doing. The answer is often that we feel like doing something other than what we should do. “I don’t feel like working out because it’s hard.” “I don’t feel like presenting my point of view in a meeting because it’s scary.”
This process of stopping to think can short-circuit a person’s efforts to reach their goals. When you pause, Mel explains, your brain will find no shortage of reasons why you shouldn’t do the thing that is difficult or uncomfortable. So you shouldn’t stop. Don’t give yourself that option. When you know what you should do, just count down and do it – “5-4-3-2-1-Go!”
Discover what you do naturally – what’s your go-to behaviour? What’s enjoyable to you? What are the things you do that make you proud of yourself? Usually we take for granted those things we do easily, that come natural to us. That is our super power. Learn to leverage it.
Become aware of those habits that are holding you back. Replace your bad habits and thought patterns one by one, over time with better habits and thought patterns that serve instead of maim.