In the book The Answer, authors John Assaraf and Murray Smith talk about the negative messages we receive growing up:
By the time you are 17 years old, you’ve heard “No you can’t” an average of 150,000 times. You’ve heard “Yes, you can,” about 5,000 times. That’s thirty no’s for every yes. That makes for a powerful belief of “I can’t.”
Motivator extraordinaire Zig Ziglar said “It’s impossible to consistently behave in a manner inconsistent with how we see ourselves. We can do very few things in a positive way if we feel negative about ourselves.”
John C. Maxwell tells us that if you believe you are worthless then you won’t add value to yourself.
It stands to reason that the first place to start, if you are not getting the results you would like, is to look within and accurately assess your value. Note I said accurately. Not what someone else has said about you, not the results from your most recent performance appraisal, and not what you have come to believe about yourself.
A man went to a fortune-teller to hear what she had to say about his future. She looked into a crystal ball and said “You will be poor and unhappy until you are forty-five years old.” “Then what will happen?” asked the man hopefully. “You’ll get used to it”, was her reply.
It’s unfortunate but we do live our lives based on what others believe about us.
We need to start thinking about how we feel about ourselves. What do we know about who we are and is it an accurate assessment?
Each person comes into the world with a predisposition to a natural style and natural pattern of motivation and success comes more quickly if they find jobs or careers that allow them to exercise this pattern of behaviour.
The best way to discover your uniqueness it to see it in action based on your own life history. Your life is a story, filled with stories, in which you have done many things and had many experiences. You can recall events, milestones, achievements, challenges, successes and failures.
Out of all these experiences there are activities that you enjoyed doing, felt a sense of satisfaction from doing or gained energy from being engaged in those activities.
When you think of activities ask yourself the following:
Was this something I did that required effort and action on my part and what it something that I enjoyed doing or took satisfaction from doing?
Examples of those stories might include:
- At age 5 I memorized a poem and recited it to my kindergarten class
- At age 18 my sister and I planned a special dinner for our parents, cooking the entire meal, setting the table, and then leaving them alone to enjoy it together
- At 40 I set up our family’s budget and finances on my computer. I use it to manager our expenses and stay within budget.
- At 63 I oversaw the “meals on wheels” ministry at my church and set up a system for the other volunteers to follow.
These stories can come from any period of your life – childhood, teen years, adult years and up to present. They can also come from any area of your life – personal, school, work, home, sports, leisure, hobbies, volunteer involvements – wherever you enjoyed the activity.
You want to identify three or four of those stories and then look for your unique pattern – the wonderful consistent way that you function, the way you were designed to function. A true picture of who you are, not who you’ve been told you are.
Additionally you can begin guarding your self-talk. Be aware of when you’re being negative or critical. Make a commitment to becoming your own encourager.
Stop comparing yourself to others. They are them and you are you.
You do life in a thoroughly and unique way. When you reveal your pattern you will have an opportunity to see your giftedness in action.
You have value. You matter. Your life CAN change and you can make a difference regardless of your background, where you come from, the traumas you’ve suffered or the mistakes you’ve made. To start the process of understanding yourself and what you’re bringing to the table click here….