Respect your own opinions more and those of others less, especially when it comes to your areas of expertise, to the field you have immersed yourself in.
ROBERT GREENE – The Laws of Human Nature – The Law of Repression
When we are young we cannot do anything other than express who we really are. We cry because we are hurt and upset, we sing and dance without fear of judgment, we reach out for a hug because we need comfort. This is us expressing our needs in a spontaneous and authentic way.
But when these expressions are met with indifference, conditions, judgment, criticism, ridicule, and all the other ways that demonstrate that they do not appreciate, like, or condone such behaviours the child begins to see that expressing themselves in that way is painful.
If these mismatched, inappropriate, or abusive responses are consistent the child learns to develop strategies to protect themselves from pain, hurt and discomfort. [If you would like to take a more in depth look as to why we do what we do…click here. It’s a 13 minute read.]
This is how it all started. This was the point at which we began to hide who we really are.
This false self is our protector. It worked when we were growing up because it allowed us ways to have our needs met while shielding us from hurt and disappointment.
In many cases we have overcompensated to overcome and finally show the world that we are not what we were ridiculed for as children.
Ever been told – you’d never amount to anything? Or that you are dumb, don’t know anything? No one will like you because you’re so outspoken?
What we did to cope is to become the opposite of what we were told, figuring out, that this was the way to love, inclusion, support and happiness.
The thought behind not being intelligent would be that only intelligence will make me feel worthy of love.
As a child I remember many instances of being ignored. In order to be “seen” I became the jester, the joker…I felt that in order to be loved, I needed to be entertaining.
Who’s in the driver’s seat now though? If it you as a child, projecting an image to protect and shield you from pain or is it the real you?
Real life includes being bruised and battered. Real life includes loss. Real life includes rejection, disappointment, hurt. Real life involve not getting everything you want when you want it.
If you haven’t already, read the Velveteen Rabbit.
You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby.
But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.
MARGERY WILLIAMS – The Velveteen Rabbit
It’s time to examine how your false self has been showing up in your business.
We have become a sea of sameness in an ocean of possibility. Where does this leave us? Fighting for business because our customers can’t discern difference. Everyone seems to be offering the same solutions so how do customers choose? On price of course! Are you beginning to see that your profitability hangs in the balance once you continue to allow your false self to lead?
Removing the protective armor of the false self is not as simple as shrugging it off. It will take time but the time to start is now.
Think of your ideas, approaches…ways you have come up with to do what you do. Your approach to processes, your formula for effective communication, the algorithm you use to solve a problem or execute a task. Anything that you do that bubbles up inside, and despite the protective outer armor, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is coming from you – the real you.
DO NOT BACK DOWN.
Do not let others tell you, you can’t, it won’t work, you’re stupid, insane, you are wasting time.
Or the seemingly benign yet equally insidious – you won’t be able to do that here in Trinidad and Tobago, in the Caribbean; no one will buy it, Trinidad not ready for that, you are way ahead of your time, stick with what you know.
Sidestep all that obstacle bull shit and PRESS ON!
When you begin leading from your true core, when you are unafraid of the consequences, and prepared for if it doesn’t go exactly as planned; when you align head and heart and that invisible force you can feel guiding you, this is exactly the point at which you will begin to enjoy your personal power.
Operating within your uniqueness, is the most profitable thing you can do for you, and your business!
Your expertise is your business! 